#i yearn to be proven wrong but also Im Not

[indecisive-dizzy]

Hi bestie I’ve been obsessing over DearDollops so badly that I’ve forgotten about Howdy/Daisey (any ship name ideas for them? I can’t think of one :,3) so yay ideas

I feel like the first few times they hung out (before they caught feelings/knew each other well) Howdy was a bit dismissive of Daisey, but not willingly. He’s just like that in the beginning, but he warmed up to them

Howdy loves their guitar playing, he plays piano with Daisey when they have free time

If Howdy becomes a butterfly, Daisey definitely helps him adjust and gushes over how pretty he is. They definitely comfort him if he has complicated feelings over it

They totally help Lizzy with her hotel, Howdy gives her business/financial advice while Daisey helps decorate and add some plant life to the hotel’s exterior

Unrelated but Lizzy’s hotel is called the Butter-Bee Hotel :3

Daisey was really nervous to introduce themself to Howdy’s family during the holidays, but they all got along great :D

Howdy met Daisey’s family and they all liked him, besides a couple cousins (WHY ARE THEY ALL HATERS-)

Daisey beat them up so it’s okay 👍

Idk why but I could totally see Daisey sleeping in late and Howdy (who woke up an hour earlier) would happily and energetically burst into the room and say something like “Wake up, my little flower petal!” (Or something idk any nicknames :,)), and he’d blow an air horn to wake them up

It does but Daisey throws a pillow at him in annoyance

Daisey isn’t the biggest coffee fan, but they love when Howdy brings them coffee in the morning. He knows just how they like it and he doesn’t bother them about it or ask them to try it another way

Daisey totally has stuffed animals there and cuddles them when they sleep. Howdy will never admit it, but he purposely pushes them off the bed in the middle of the night so he can cuddle his partner

He doesn’t cook often, mainly just throwing things into a pot and cooking them like that, so Daisey helps by buying him cookbooks so he can learn some recipes that aren’t just pre-made stuff you heat up

They feeds the birds whenever they can. Birds live Howdy, Howdy tolerates birds, and birds chase Daisey around for sport. Daisey is a little scared of them but they’re friend-ish with birds

Daisey has a fire phobia, so they try to avoid big fires whenever they can. Howdy helps them get used to them by taking them camping and making s’mores with them. They’re at a reasonable distance and they get a nice little treat out of it

Sometimes when Daisey sleeps in, Howdy just carries them in one of his arms while he gets himself and his bodega ready. Sleepy spouse gets carried around like a teddy bear

Barnaby totally cracks jokes about it whenever he comes by the bodega and Howdy’s just carrying his spouse like that

Fluffy fur is perfect to bury your face in! 10/10 Daisey would definitely recommend

I’m so insane about them omg I love them

*cracks knuckles* Ow- I have little in terms of ship names, as I have been stumped! But I'll give what I got! plus bonuses hehe

FlowerShop or FloralShop

GardenSale

HowdyaDaisey (long, but based on Howdys full name)

CaterpillarFood (This is a Joke lol. Some caterpillars eat daisies, I thought it was funny)

Bonus: InStitches (unfortunately would fit Barnaby/Daisey better. but that ain't happening(?))

anywho! I think howdy is dismissive of everyone until he gets too know them more. like he's gotta put down the business (scammer) persona and see them as more than customer

Howdy playing piano is a hill I will die on <3 thank you I love the idea of them playing music together

Butter-Bee Hotel is an amazing name and sounds edible. I'm going to eat it <3

Howdy advertises the air horns but adds a warning label "Warning: May result in pillow to the face" lol

Jealous Howdy is funny especially over stuffies. Insert that meme "Me, my spouse, and their pile of various stuffed animals" ajfnahfhjfj

Buying Howdy a cookbook sounds cute, don't get me wrong, But this is Howdy Pillar. Howdyadoo (middle name pending) Pillar. He loves his spouse but he doesn't have the time of Day to be learning "from scratch" recipes. He thinks he's got it all figured out and doesn't need "some, lovingly gifted, book" to tell him how he should be eating his dinner.

He will then Turn his four legged ass around and cook Daisey a full course meal from the book. Because he's (a simp) got to prove that he Can cook.

cough- uh anyway birds! Why are they mean to Daisey? Howdy go shoo them away

Step 1: Carry Tiny Spouse. Step 2: ??? Step 3: Profit.

Alternatively

Step 1: Be Carried By Large Husband. Step 2: ??? Step 3: Profit.

Barnaby would joke and Howdy would have to shush him so he doesn't laugh to hard and wake Daisey up, if they aren't already.

[sacredfang]

Hello! I’ve been making a game and wanted to make a character with npd to mix up the character dynamics. The thing is, as you probably know, npd is so stigmatized, which means it’s literally impossible for me to research. So, if possible, I would like to hear some of your experiences with npd (how it makes you think and behave, that type of thing). If you don’t want to answer, feel free to ignore this.

its kind of hard to explain but i can try my best QvQ!

its pretty self explanatory! i do objectively tend to think i am above people when first meeting them. the only people i truly feel are my equals are my very good friends and partners! bit beyond that, even other friends im not as close with, i believe i, and my friends, are better then them. not even necessarily in a malicious way. its subconscious

i do get envious and jealous quite frequently. over someone elses success, their talent, their clothes, or even them getting the attention from someone I want that attention from. obviously it can range, but jealously is fairly prominent in my life. however i usually dont let it impact how i act and treat others. im aware a lot of my jealously is irrational so i dont let it guide me. i also HATE the fact i get jealous. like. im above jealously?? im too good for that??

i tend to believe i am the priority in peoples lives. that i deserve their #1 spot of love and admiration. im objectively very self centered. but despite this, i do attempt to put people i care about first. it may be first instinct to put myself first, but ive learned that in some cases its important to give others more attention, especially if i truly care about them.

punches to the ego are never fun. even small comments that arent meant to be taken seriously could feel like a personal attack. like someone just offended my entire bloodline. especially when it comes to losing a game or an argument. ive found that when people insult my sense of morality it can easily cause me to crash. a lot of my pride is put into being a good person, its what makes me so confident im as good as i am! so when someone implies or even directly states they think i was in the wrong or that im not a good person, i loose my marbles. specifically when i believe im in the right. if i can see a mistake and agree i did something wrong thats different, but when i think my slate is clean, i take full offense to those accusations. i ESPECIALLY cant stand being spoken down to or patronized. that shit drives me INSANE

i also hate being wrong. or proven wrong. or people acting like im wrong. it makes me want to claw a wall. this also applies to positive things! like, for example, if i tell my friend i think theyre pretty and awesome, and they deny it, i get PISSED. like. are you telling me im WRONG? YOURE BEAUTIFUL

and of course i struggle with empathy. i can be compassionate, caring, kind, and sympathetic, but empthy is out the window. i struggle to connect with certain troubles or feelings someone is facing because i cant ever understand how they feel in that moment. objectively, i could understand why they are upset, but i can not relate to those emotions. an internal reaction i often have is thinking theyre over reacting, or that they need to suck it up. even if i know thats not really true.

overall, im very self centered. im low empathy, quickly irritable, i hate being vulnerable, i yearn for admiration, i dont like being looked down, i tend to talk over others, jealous easily, overconfident, fantasize about power and sucess, believe im special, im pretty, who wouldnt love me? and when my sense of pride is hit, i crumble. its easy to split on someone if they are apart of it, even accidentally. and grudges are upsettingly frequent aswell

i try to be private about my personal life. i hate when people know too mucu about me. what if they used it against me? what if they think im weaker than i am? or the ideal version of myself ive created to be viewed is shattered?

however i can be very open and affectionate to my friends and partners (the fear above is still ever present though) the only person i trust fully with my feelings is my best friend who Also probably has npd. so. but i HATE pda.. unless its me. im allowed to do it. but if anyone else does it im fully of hate

i can love. i can kiss i can hold with ease, but when i love it feels suffocating. i feel like i need to tear my partner open and make him hurt just so he knows how much i love him. existing without him is like being deprived of air. he is my equal and he is everything. and i dont want him to treat anyone else like he does me, becuase i am HIS partner and he is MINE. no one else gets that treatement. im downright obsessivive lowkey (highkey)

i also struggle to fathom the concept of people disliking me. if they dislike me then fuck i dislike them too! tf! they can go die!

in the past ive had a few cases of demonizing people to give myself a reason to dislike them or to ditch them. especially after theyve upset me. these days im pretty good at communicating when im upset and fix it, but when i was younger i would just place the blame on their shoulders and book it. not my proudest era

ive learned to handle these traits fairly well with common sense and consideration. i may not have empathy but i still care about being a good person. so even when its instinct to think one way, i force myself to rationalize. to go "Well. No actually you arent the most important person in the world. idiot." so i can keep my shit together lmfao. i care too much about people (and my morals) to let myself fall into my urges and irrational thoughts. i always do my best to approach criticism with an open mind, and id say i do pretty well at it!

ive also found that due to this, i get really anxious at the idea of people being aware of my npd. being aware that i think this way. knowing that they very well could change their opinions of me based off this one fact. its freaky as hell

im sorry if this doesnt make a lot of sense. im the worst lol

[elainsgirl]

Hey, lately there are a lot of GA/EL tiktok fyp and one thing I see too many time and now here as well is this:

https://www.tumblr.com/bluiela/773922285064159232/them-azriel-questioned-his-religion-for-elain?source=share

And on tiktok many people also say:

"Sarah didn't even make Azriel yearn to kiss Elain again but she made him think of Gwyn" and to that many elriels pointed out how the massive build up there is for Gwyn being a Lightsinger and how Azriel's behavior in the last part can be perfectly explained by this. They pointed out if the next book is Elain's then why are Gwyn's powers being set up? Why not any hints at Elain. And how Gwyn will have a story if her powers are being hinted in a BC and now I'll get to the point sorry😂they say luring and what azriel felt is different. They say luring doesn't include making people feel things? and why didn't Nesta feel those feelings if she was being lured but isn't there a paragraph in SF where Nesta just gushes about Gwyn? something similar?

So Idk where to vent about it so I came here. But what are your thoughts on the religion argument with the last argument.

Wish you the best. And well I hope people who send you hate get karma.

Why are they expecting Azriel to confess his love for Elain in a limited edition bonus chapter. That would just be anti climactic and not how romances are written that too, they want him to confess his love for Elain….to Rhys? Do they understand the point of a romance book or the typical elements that go into one bcs atp I dont think many antis understand.

The cauldron is seen as a divine deity, a god-like figure by the prynthian Fae. Mating bonds are seen as sacred and blessed - even the acceptance of a bond is done through a ceremony by a holy figure - all of this classifies as a metaphorical religion & belief.

Az stood there in front of his HighLord and said:

“what if the cauldron was wrong?”

This line coming from Feyre is significant but it makes sense why she would question the cauldron. She is new to the fae’s belief, their religion. Yet, for Az to question the cauldron- someone who grew up with its belief and god-like symbolism - it holds huge meaning.

Why did Az question the cauldron? Because he believes that the mating bond between elain and lucien must be wrong, why does he believe that? Bcs Azriel thinks Elain is his mate -> therefore by logical definition.

Yes. Azriel questioned his religion for Elain. He questioned it bcs he believes Elain is his soulmate, other half or sacred divine gift as mates are seen by the fae.

Him questioning why two of his brothers were given two sisters whilst the third was given to another - is a long winded why of him saying, “why isnt Elain my mate? Why is she Luciens?” All this IS by definition and just basic common sense -> him questioning his entire belief for Elain.

But why did Sjm numerize the brothers and sisters? Two reasons: 1) in the end, they’re figures. They represent a retelling but which retelling? Koshei’s mythology where 3 sisters marry 3 bird-transforming wizards. 2) Within acotar there is a clear pattern of 3 - 3 mountains, 3 sisters, 3 brothers etc. 3 represents 4completeness. Harmony. Divinity. Fated. When is this pattern of 3 broken? When it comes to Elain and Lucien, Lucien who isnt connected to Rhys/Cass. And THAT mating bond Mass chose to be questioned by 2 important characters. Coincidence? Nope. Intentional writing and foreshadowing? Absolutely.

Lucien may long for his mate, but remember he is doing fine. He chose to live away from her, he even says “Im not always in the night court to see my mate” not Elain, but mate. That is all she is to him. Azriel is the one who can’t sleep over elain. Azriel stays away bcs he knows

so now we’ve proven that - Yes. Azriel did question his religion for Elain.

Mhm, aren’t antis the one yapping and complaining about how Az only wanted Elain physically yet are now complaining how he didn’t yearn for a kiss? They rlly need to learn consistency.

Gwyns powers aren’t being setted up, no where is the text leading us to believe Gwyns powers will be explored straight away - they’re hinted at.

Unlike antis - if you don’t nitpick the text, its clear Elain has the spy set up and since we got confirmation that she still has her powers - just like Nesta, her cauldron powers will be explored next.

Luring is the simple act of drawing a person or thing to you. However, Gwyns power does invoke emotion, look at the way Nesta describes Gwyns singing. And yh. Nesta had a moment where she wanted to crow about Gwyn to whoever. Both Nesta and Azriels powers reacted to Gwyn, both felt calm after meeting with her, both admire her. Az wanting to make her happy and Nesta wanting to praise Gwyn. Both of them felt and had the same reactions to Gwyn.

Thank you for wishing me the best! And honestly, elriel being endgame is karma enough for the antis.

[persevereforahappyending]

see.. me personally, i think dewey dying would inflict the most trauma in the long term. of course what the other anon said IS true i think it’d be much harder to have all the emotions ranging from resentment, anger, and probably some sort of yearning for the motherly bond r always wanted because it would seem unattainable for a VERY long time especially in the beginning after (and because) you’ve lost your dad. gale dying would leave dewey, the parent who did nothing wrong and it is a lot easier to work through than being left with a parent who IS at fault, she had all this time to find you given you know that’s HER JOB!!! as a journalist and a mother. but never did regardless of what she says. she never even told dewey. and she had her reasons but in my opinion it’s just a lot harder to work past on both parts because gale already feels so much guilt and add the fact that she lost dewey and robbed them of a chance of a relationship and being a family.. at some point i think r would let it be known she wishes it was gale instead during one of their worse moments (like in those cheesy teenage dramas that i eat up btw so not a bad thing) and it’s just this constant push and pull because gale wants the relationship but r is probably confused and doesn’t know what she wants and gale would be constantly faced with the face of the man she loved and robbed of a happy family. as well as her shortcomings as a mother and i could really get into it but im ready to have a debate on this. i just think it’ll lead to a lot more emotional turmoil because of their complex relationship. and gale dying feels almost easier for them to face

Exactly!

Say, Gale dies, and Dewey lives. Sure, there will be some drama, but it would mostly be awkwardness with this new territory and dynamic. There wouldn't be this anger and animosity.

But, now, if Dewey dies, and Gale lives. The door is wide open with the angst! We got the basics with abonnement issues but then on top of that we got this successful woman who knew about her kid and married the kids' father after giving said kid up and lied about it and went on with her life. Then we got Gale feeling guilt and regret and then on top of that, losing the love of her life who, she betrayed and lied to. Then we got the kid who felt abandoned and wanted and it's basically proven true but then turns out their dad didn't know about them, and he could have been a great father but then they lose him. So, the kid is feeling anger and resentment towards Gale, grieving a father they never even had. And on top of that they're family and they're all each other has and the conflict within the kid of wanting to know their mom maybe but also hating her but then we got Gale trying to right her wrongs and make up for something that could be unforgivable.

We just all need to imagine the complexity and angst of it all. Like, if Gale lives and Dewey dies, just imagine the aftermath of all this. Just imagine Scream 6 and what that would look like. Does Gale right her book? Does she mention Reader? What does she say about Reader? And where are they at now? All this stuff goes down then we jump to Scream 6 which is a year later and, in a New York, like, a lot could happen. There's just so many possibilities! But with Dewey living we got none of that! If Dewey lives it will all be so much easier (and happier).

See, look what you did, you got me rambling now.

[marsconer]

PENELOPE & SEVERUS : TALE AS OLD AS MEDIEVAL TIME

i was working on many wrong few rights when i realized penelope and severus had a very interesting dynamic. i think i may have developed myself into a courtly love corner with those two. or maybe i accidentally made a subversion of courtly love, since they aren’t the usual figures who would get to live a courtly love. so here’s my study of a relationship. disclaimer im not a medievalist or an english major so take my literally analyses with a handful of salt, im just a gay person with a hobby and thoughts. i wrote this for me to help me write my fic and i decided to share bc this is my blog that’s reason enough.

what is courtly love in the first love?

courtly love was a medieval european literary conception of love that emphasized nobility and chivalry. ( wikipedia ). courtly was the love of a knight for a woman of noble heritage, usually above the knight's own social class. It was a ritualistic admiration of a lady of high birth, usually unrelated to marriage or sex. it places great important on this later part, courtly love cannot be consummated. it is better to speak or to die? to die.

THE KNIGHT.

this is where i think things get interesting because severus snape is not your local medieval knight. and those characters are already idealized versions of said knights. let’s contrast our half blood prince with those arthurian esque legends. when i was researching knighthood for this meta, the found that had pillars and they were:

friendship, generosity, chastity, courtesy, piety, honor, honestly, valour, loyalty, devotion.

and although severus embodies a few of those traits ( devotion and loyalty come to to mind ), he’s more in line with your heathcliff than your lancelot. his loyalty to dumbledore can only be proven by being disloyal to voldemort. he is chaste, even in cannon all his love for lily can be read as platonic and even when read as romantic is very chaste. but he lacks the everything else.

THE LADY

penelope gaunt on the other hand, fulfills what “lady of high birth” is supposed to be closely enough. she’s on high birth technically, being slytherin royalty and having a powerful father, she’s promised to marry into the most ancient and noble house of black. but she’s also incredibly comfortable with violence, she has a higher tolerance to it than him when they start off. her father’s power comes from being the leader of a terrorist-classist-mugglephobic cult. her “lord” husband dies in the first year of marriage and during the golden era she’s not a maiden or a lady wife but a widow. she’s not a traditional figure to be “worthy” of said devotion.

THE COURTING, THE LOVING

penelope and severus start growing closer in their fifth year, they had a solid friendship but their dynamic slowly grows from confidants to this dance around their feelings that resembles the courtly love of high born lady and her knight. and by the time the seventh year rolls around, they are already familiar with the movements enough that it’s obvious to everyone around them. it would be mutual pining and out of the charts yearning but it’s the fact that they both unsuited for those idealized and romanticized roles that scratches the mentally ill part of my brain. this is why i write them. the whole two people who have committed horrors being belief engaging in a form of loving they are intently unfit for because the foundation of it are a sense innocence and honor, and doing it anyway.

[actualbird]

// lost gold event spoilers, marius chara story ep2 spoilers, obligatory disclaimer that these are just my opinions and my personal interpretations

mini character analysis: marius von hagen, facade vs. sincerity, harsh truths vs. persisting hope.

man i am Thinking about Marius von Hagen.

ive played through a bunch of his card stories and am one bit away from finishing his chara story ep2 and im farthest in his lost gold route and just. im kind of obsessed now about the recurring theme of facade vs. sincerity and harsh truths vs. persisting hope.

facade vs. sincerity is the first theme i picked up on, since it’s pretty obvious. thanks to his status and background, he constantly has an Image Of Himself to keep up and establish. in investigations, he tends to put on masks and acts the exact way he needs to to get people to slip up. here, facade and sincerity are at odds.

but then also marius casually has the tendency to “act” a certain way to get things like praise and reassurance, which could arguably interpreted as him using facades (which in this situation i think is actually him just saying theyre facades, theyre actually sincere, but he hides that, says it’s just an act) to acquire the deep seated sincerity he wishes. here, facade is a medium by which to acquire sincerity from others. 

let’s swerve now to harsh truths vs. persisting hope. i saw this first in his chara story ep2 where he had that conversation with that forger painter dude (i forgot his name, sorry). marius had said to that dude something along the lines of like “hey don’t you believe in art, i think you do, deep down.” and that dude laughed at him, called marius naive, said that art in this world is about money because of the harsh realities of capitalism (mood lol). the story then goes onto reveal that marius was right, actually, that dude did believe in art, did have genuine emotionally-driven reasons for doing what he did. here, the persisting hope trumps the harsh truths.

but then in the lost gold event, marius route 02-06, his hope gets himself in danger. he tries to talk bryce out of his search for immortality, he has hope in bryce that he will change. when marius realizes he cant stop bryce, marius still appeals for bryce to be good and honest and answer his questions about the overarching case. bryce responds by pulling out a fucking knife, presumably to stab and kill marius. here, the persisting hope is attacked by the harsh truths. EDIT: preceding sentence may be proven wrong since im not done with the whole lost gold event plot.

but facade vs. sincerity and harsh truths vs. persisting hope aren’t two themes in a vacuum. they converge through marius’ life, through his actions, through his personality. 

like, why does marius crave sincerity? because he has hope. why does marius employ facades? because harsh truths are painful. sincerity is a truth, but truths to marius can be scary. a facade is a wall he ultimately puts up to protect himself in case his hope is wrong. 

these fascinating intersections make it so apparent that marius is the youngest. he’s the youngest in the team, he’s the youngest in his family. im not saying that hope and fear are exclusively young traits, but that it does fit in with how his life has gone so far.

marius was a kid with honest dreams he was allowed to pursue with a father and brother who supported him. then his older brother goes missing. then he’s thrust into a world of corporate snakes and responsibility. then he’s a young guy who was forced to grow up very quickly under the weight of the circumstances he’s in. when that happens to somebody, when they have to grow up in such a short time, they put up walls, they protect themselves, because the light inside of them yearns for something theyre not sure they can get anymore. 

facades, sincerity, harsh truths, persisting hope, all of that comes together in a hodgepodge, creating a character that, at his core, just wants to be okay

maybe marius von hagen’s basic fear is this: he doesnt want to get hurt.

[freshginseng]

the american atmosphere changing my concept of death and selfish things etc

im realizing that the majority of the things that i wanted to do before i die are likely not going to happen unless i do them in ways that are forced and in ways that go against everything i hold as personal philosophies. which i am still contemplating whether i will eventually yield to or not. because in the end the only thing that is putting values on these ways is me.

with the atmosphere of america right now im naturally concerned about what our survival rate will look like due to the level of involvement that will necessarily be required of us if we have any sense of obligation to our friends and our worldwide communities that are being targeted, etc. if this is what it’s coming down to, so be it. but i have to acknowledge what all that means.

previously i wanted to die because of all the things i perceived as impossible for me to obtain, or things that i naturally did not deserve; while this feeling persists, i am now realizing that my death and the unattainable Things may still be in my cards, just not dealt by my own hands.

these are the things that bother me on a daily basis because i recognize, or am recognizing in a different light now, how improbable they may truly be - realizing that it may be completely out of my hands makes me feel more sick than ever before. there is a sense of power that comes from being suicidal, and it is the power of knowing you can end it; but there is also the sense of powerlessness, because your hands are tied by the ponderous “What If” that stops you, even if you’re bound by the mental error that nothing you yearn for will ever happen to you. anyways my point is that experiencing this hopelessness as an interior force is different that experiencing it as an exterior force.

- i wanted to cultivate just one, very significant, very mutual, and intimate relationship. the idea of never experiencing this is, for whatever reason, extremely devastating. i have spent my whole life being whatever other people needed me to be, a tool in times of need, and its hard for me to think about being worth anything more than that; its my selfish fantasy to want to be proven wrong.

- i wanted to be able to help just one person, without it requiring me to sacrifice my boundaries to do so. without it meaning i had to become someone else, that i had to appease the other person to stay in their favor. i wanted to be able to help a young person with mental illness, because i’ve been there too. i wanted to be able to write something that gets read somewhere, and for it to make sense to someone, because i feel like all of what i say that has any depth of thought to it falls flat. i want someone to know they are understood and valued, and that someone can articulate what they struggle with.

these are things that i thought i didn’t deserve and would never come to me, so why not kill myself. i’m realizing that, whether i kill myself or not, i still may die before these things happen, if there is a chance of them happening.